Mastering Character Dynamics with Attachment Theory

Relationships. We all have them. And when I think about shows that I’ve most loved, it’s the dynamics of their key relationships that keep me binge-watching. Whether with our romantic partners, family, friends, frenemies or colleagues, the quality of our relationships has a huge impact on our lives. But ask yourself this: how well do you pull off similarly engaging relationships in your own writing? What even makes a compelling, dynamic, and truthful relationship? And what can we learn from psychology to help write more engaging and complex character relationships?

Plenty, as tends to be my answer to these sorts of questions, and particularly through the lens of Attachment Theory. You’re bound to have heard of it, since conversations about Attachment Theory have been trending online since the pandemic? Why? Probably because we’ve all experienced some pretty strong forces that have affected our relationships and we’re hoping to better understand them.

So, what is Attachment Theory and how is it going to help us as writers? Attachment Theory arose from psychiatrist John Bowlby’s idea that as infants we internalize models of our early relationships and that we all need at least one secure parental relationship to thrive.

This idea became more interesting when developed by one of his students, psychologist Mary Ainsworth, in the 1960s. While Bowlby saw attachment as all-or-nothing, Ainsworth felt that attachment styles were more complicated than this, but that what we experience as infants with our caregivers, forms our model for lifelong relationships.

In her “Strange Situation” experiments, Ainsworth observed the behavior of infants aged between 9 and 18 months, when their mothers left them alone in a room, when a stranger then approached, and when their mothers returned to the room.

Ainsworth categorized these infants according to the three main ways in which they behaved. A fourth attachment style, shown by infants whose behavior was harder to categorise, was later added.

These four Attachment Styles are:

1) Secure

2) Anxious-Ambivalent, otherwise known as Preoccupied

3) Avoidant, otherwise known as Dismissing

4) Disorganized, otherwise known as Fearful-Avoidant

Let’s take a look at each of these in turn.

SECURE ATTACHMENT

Parental Care: Secure Attachment arises from parents who are consistently loving and responsive.

Infant Responds: The infant feels safe, secure, and is happy to explore the world. When separated from a parent (for example in that Strange Situation experiment), they are upset but quickly reassured when the parent returns.

Later Life Relationships: People with Secure Attachment styles trust easily, form healthy relationships, and handle conflicts with maturity.

Example Characters:

Randall Pearson from This is Us and Johnny Rose from Schitt’s Creek. They’re both steady, trusting, reliable, and their family's emotional anchors. Also, Otis and Eric from Sex Education. Watch them here:

When to Use Secure Attachments in Your Writing:

Incorporate a securely attached character when your story needs someone who can be a peacemaker or a steady presence amidst chaos. It’s a comforting watch for viewers when we see their style of resolving conflicts—open, direct, empathetic and the safety net this provides. Relationships with this style tend to be the best backgrounds for other conflict.

ANXIOUS-AMBIVALENT ATTACHMENT

Parental Care: Unpredictable: sometimes they’re there. Sometimes they’re not, leading to insecurity.

Infant Responds: The infant becomes highly anxious and distressed when separated from their parent, then ambivalent when they return.

Later Life Relationships: Highly sensitive to their partners’ actions, often needy and have issues with trust.

Example Character:

Tanya McQuoid from The White Lotus, Seasons 1 and 2. She’s emotionally chaotic, impulsive, and highly sensitive to rejection. Watch how she handles this wonderfully intimate moment with Greg, and what this brings up for her:

When to Use This in Your Writing:

Use an anxiously attached character like Tanya to drive emotional story arcs through their need for constant reassurance and fear of abandonment. The push-pull dynamics that you see when an Anxious-Ambivalent character couples up with an Avoidant character makes for rollercoaster viewing.

AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT

Parental Care: Emotionally distant.

Infant Responds: With absent parents, the infant learns to rely on themself, avoiding emotional closeness as a defense.

Later Life Relationships: People with this attachment style values their independence, struggle with intimacy, seem aloof and back off when anyone gets too close to them.

Example Character: Thelonius “Monk” Ellison from American Fiction (2023). We learn that he’s just like his father, who pushed everyone away when they got too close to him. Watch how he behaves when Coraline, his love interest gets too close to him:

When to Use This in Your Writing:

Thelonius’s avoidant style is perfect for characters who will experience transformative arcs and become more secure in their relationships. Avoidant characters are often mysterious and leave viewers wanting to get to know them better, just as the characters around them do. The distancing strategies often used by these characters, add a layer of complexity, and make their slow emotional reveal compelling for the audience, keeping viewers engaged, especially in long-running series where character development is key to sustaining interest.

DISORGANIZED ATTACHMENT

Parental Care: Inconsistent, abusive and at times frightening.

Infant Responds: Mixed responses of fear, confusion, and need.

Later Life Relationships: People with a Disorganized attachment style have mixed feelings about relationships: they desire but also avoid intimacy and may lash out or leave when shown love.

Example Character:

Shiv Roy from Succession. She has a push-pull relationship with emotional vulnerability and protects her feelings using sarcasm and disdain. She’s manipulative and enjoys power plays, but also wants stability. Watch how she navigates intimacy on her wedding night here:

When to Use This in Your Writing

Shiv’s disorganized attachment makes her complex and unpredictable and complex, ideal for a long-running high-stakes drama like Succession. Give your character a disorganized relationship style when it fits with their backstory and your story theme, and when you want to create fascinating, unpredictable relationship dynamics that keep your viewers engaged.

Attachment Theory seems pretty simple as a model of human relationships. Given that it dates to the 70s, does it still hold up? Recent research shows that our attachment styles in relationships aren’t as fixed as this model suggest and that there’s just a weak correlation between our early attachment styles and later life relationship patterns. Our relationship styles are also influenced by genetic factors, who we are in a relationship with, and other contextual factors.

Despite this, Attachment Theory remains a hugely powerful tool when developing compelling character relationships. First, it reminds us of the variety different kinds of relationship styles people have and from this, we can build all sorts of interesting conflicts and relationship dynamics.

Second, whether or not the connections that are made by Attachment Theory are always valid, they feel meaningful and allow audiences to join the dots between how a character behaves in their current relationship and what we learn about them from their backstory. These meaningful connections, and insights that viewers gain from them, are a really important factor in why some stories are so engaging.

By understanding attachment styles and integrating them into your character development process, you’ll be able to create compelling relationships that reflect the dynamics and complexities that we face day-to-day in our own lives. You’ll also gain a far clearer idea of how your characters react in any situation and how the other characters around them respond. And you might even gain some valuable insights into your own relationships.