Searching for Answers Through the Grief Process: A Conversation with ‘Hey Dad’ Short Film Filmmakers Aaron Schoonover and Drake Tobias

Grief. The unsettling tear in your heart, a constant reminder of what was and what could have been. There’s truly no right or wrong way we experience or process this emotional hinderance. “It” just happens, like when you hear that song, or drive home from work, or doing simple house chores like washing the dishes or simply putting on your socks in the morning. But for some, they never talk about it or really express it. There’s an overwhelming sense loneliness.

But guess what? We have a new short film, Hey Dad, that explores grief in a way that wraps you up in its arms, like the fulfilling feeling of eating fresh from the oven baked chocolate chip cookies – if that’s your jam. It’s heartwarming. It’s funny. It’s sincere. And it was made by the incredibly talented filmmaker Aaron Schoonover and actor and co-writer Drake Tobias, based on a personal essay written by Tobias.

Aaron Schoonover and Drake Tobias spoke with Script about their collaboration, developing the essay into a script, Aaron’s vision for the film, and what they hope audiences take away from watching their short. Speaking of watching the short, catch the World Premiere of Hey Dad at Dances With Films on Friday, June 28, 2024, in the 5 pm “Fusion Shorts Blk 5”. 

This interview has been edited for content and clarity.

Sadie Dean: Coming back together on this project, and exploring such a personal event and moment in your life, what was the importance for you in collaborating with Aaron?

Drake Tobias: I feel like it's the other way because he came to me, and was very gracious and was like, ‘Hey, I want to do another project.’ And we weren't quite sure what it was going to be. He said, ‘What do you think? What do you want? And obviously, the thing on my mind at the time was my dad. And it speaks to Aaron's character of how comfortable I feel with him and how much I trust him. I wrote him the angriest and most confused essay ever. And there was no script. I kind of just threw it at him. 

And credit to Aaron because he took it and turned it into the language that it is today. Working on something like Rabbit Hole…he's very easy person to trust, very caring director, producer, and writer. And through the conversations that we had, I could tell that he understood - he had his own opinions as well, and that we can make something really cool.

Sadie: For you, Aaron, in terms of developing the script with Drake, and encapsulating all of that emotion within a 7-minute short film, was there a thematic north star for you as the director?

Aaron Schoonover: It was an interesting process, because, well, it's funny, Drake says it was an angry thing that he wrote, because I didn't see this as that. I saw it more like someone who has an experience and a death close to them, and just processing it. And it felt really thoughtful and smart what he had written. I have a lot of issues…fear around death, and it's something that I work through in therapy. So, I was like, ‘This is scary to confront and do a short film about this, because I don't want to think about these things.’ But also, it was a little therapeutic.

We didn't want to make it specifically Drake's story, but we wanted to take the thoughts and the feelings and put them into a different narrative. So, it was trying to find that balance of OK, how personal is too personal? And then what can we pull from and what can I add in? I'm always thinking about the reincarnation thing and the past lives of it all. So that's kind of where I threw myself into it.

And then the big monologue at the end is all kind of Drake's - what he had written in that first essay that he had sent me. It was cool to throw ideas together. And originally, Drake had pitched it as a very still conversation between two people. And I was like, ‘What if we do a weird, experimental thing?’ Doing these short films is fun for me, because I didn't go to film school, so I'm still trying to find my voice and just play around with different kind of elements of filmmaking.

Seeing a lot of films at festivals, people write about their trauma and their grief, and a lot of things you watch are very heavy. I was like, ‘I think we can make a fun short film about death.’ I mean, not fun, but relatable and not heavy…finding the balance of that with Drake. And there were moments where he was like, ‘This feels a little too silly.’ And I'd be like, ‘OK, let's pull that part back.’ [laughs]

Drake: I feel like the big thing for Aaron and I was, I wasn't caught up on the sadness of it. And it was a different kind of grief. The thing we really bonded on was almost the analytics of it. We're both very curious about where did he go? That's the thing. That was our conversation - was he reincarnated? Because if he was, he moved on and so should I. Is he in heaven looking down on me? Because then I should probably be a better person because he's watching. Or is it the whole you’re nothing before you're born, you're nothing after you die. And so, we should go from there.

By the end of the film, it's really the way that I showed grief, and possibly other people do as well is by trying to find out where he is. I personally am not religious, so I'm not praying. And people will say things like, ‘He lives on through you.’ Which I enjoy. But that's for me. That's his impact on me. I want to know about him in that brief moment, where he went to wherever he went, which way do I look? And that's how I look at the film. I don't know if that's how other people perceive it. But at the end, the searching for answers is my grief process.

Sadie: And I think there's something that is very universal and totally relatable to that. What's so great about this and fun is that you are saying things that people think about all the time in those awkward moments, but don't say it out loud.

In terms of your performance, again, this being a pretty personal story for you and going through the grieving process. How did you carry that vulnerability into your performance and knowing where or when to hold back on some of those very heightened emotional beats?

Drake: I think the one thing that really helped was that it came from something that I wrote. So, it was in my language, and they were my thoughts. [laughs] So a lot of those early scenes where I'm sitting cleaning clubs or making a sandwich or talking - these are all things that I was annoying the people close to me with for weeks or months before we started filming. [laughs] So getting on set, it was like, ‘Is this where you want me to stand Aaron?’ And then we toyed around with saying it different ways. And really trying to make it feel like just one all the way through, as opposed to a bunch of different cuts. And that's a big part too - Aaron, having the full vision, whereas I just got to show up that day and say a couple of words.

As for the end, I do remember I was really emotional that day. [laughs] And we did a few [takes] and Aaron told me to bring it down because I was manic. And I remember arguing with Aaron and being like, ‘No, this is a big thing.’ And now watching it, he was totally right. So, toning the performance really just goes to Aaron being able to watch it with the full scope.

Aaron: You're such a smart actor. And that's what I learned on Rabbit Hole quickly was you're so aware of the camera and your angle, but you're also giving such great performance. I think that was the thing - you had it. And we wanted the audience to feel the other character, and what would feel like a conversation and not so much just a monologue. I think you did such a good job at that.

Sadie: Working with your other key collaborators, like your DP [John Gebhart] and your composer, Rachel [Sandy], and how their pieces seamlessly integrate with one another, it’s rhythmic from camera movement to the music and of course your edit. How did you plan for that?

Aaron: We had a sense of the beat of it. And then I think that was just about finding, again, all the different options of takes and seeing what flowed best. Rachel, I'm always so blown away by her music and what she does. And we were lucky to use two of her original songs in Rabbit Hole and then she scored Rabbit Hole, and then this one.

There's a clip from Euphoria that we were really inspired by when Rue is talking about how to get away with doing drugs. And she's kind of straight to camera. It's very stylized. We wanted it to move like that. A lot of the music examples we pulled were from Euphoria. And then Rachel made all of these sections feel individual within the short but they still flow really nicely. She's fantastic. And I think the music adds such a great element to it.

Sadie: What do you guys hope audiences take away from watching this film?

Drake: I hope that anybody out there who's had the same thoughts about grief feel seen or that the fact that they don't know is OK. Not knowing and trying to find out is part of the grief. It's part of showing your love for someone. I would also love it if somebody who watches the film knows the answer, and hits me up, [laughs] I’d be very grateful for that. I feel like it's an expression of grief that isn't so morbid and so deep and hard-hitting and makes people sit there and kind of go, ‘Here we go. Not really in the mood to cry, but I guess that's what we're doing.’ It feels more like a conversation than anything.

Aaron: I hope people connect to it. No one has the answers. And I think it's just something kind of taboo that we don't really talk about. So, I hope people find enjoyment from it and are moved by it and appreciate Drake's performance and how vulnerable he was in sharing this with everybody. 

WORLD Premiere | USA, 2023, 7 min.FUSION SHORTS BLK 5 – FRI JUNE 28 at 5PM