Ask Phil: Calling It Quits
This week, Phil Stark, screenwriter turned therapist, answers a question about calling it quits on pursuing a screenwriting career.
Many of the problems we face as screenwriters are related to the reality of the craft: third act structure, navigating notes, character development, the pitch process, etc. At the same time, there are personal and emotional issues that influence the practical work: imposter syndrome, the inner critic, shame and anger, professional jealousy, etc. I have the screenwriting experience to address questions about the practical aspects of the work, and the therapy experience to explore the personal and emotional considerations that inform the work of screenwriting.
My email address will be at the end of every column, so please send in your questions and comments about life at the intersection of screenwriting and mental health. It’s a busy intersection!
Dear Phil,
I’m a screenwriter living in Los Angeles. I’ve been here 5 years, have written plenty of screenplays and pilots, am on my second manager, had one brief staff job and plenty of sniffs at selling feature pitches but no significant sale/job as of yet. I’m much less enthusiastic about the business than I was when I first got here, less excited about the work, and generally less happy than I was when I got here. I find myself wondering if it’s still worth it to pursue this dream. So I guess my question is, how do I know when to call it quits?
Signed, Calling it Quits?
Dear Calling it Quits,
I hear you, Calling it Quits. You’re dealing with something many beginning screenwriters experience. It’s also something many experienced screenwriters experience. Whether you’ve been trying to break in for 5 years or trying to follow up your first screenplay sale after 10 years or trying to rekindle your career after 20 years, we all ask ourselves at some point if we should call it quits.
The question is simple. Unfortunately, the answer is not simple. Like many things in life, it depends. The thing it depends on the most, I find, is how we feel about the work we’re doing. Whether we’re working or not, experienced or not, WGA members or not, it’s how we feel about the work we do that is the most important factor to consider. Do you wake up excited about the script you’re writing? Or do you wake up grumpy and looking for excuses not to write? Do you look forward to meeting up with fellow writers at networking events? Or do you grumble about going and let your unhappiness with your career affect your presentation? Are you happy or unhappy?
If you’re happy and feel good about the work, keep going! And if you’re unhappy and don’t, maybe consider how you feel about the work makes you feel. If you’re bitter and resentful and frustrated that other people who you consider inferior writers are getting work while you’re not, well, that doesn’t sound like a very happy way to live. Of course, if you’re upbeat and excited but can’t afford to pay rent because you spend all your time writing, or can’t find time to write because you’re working all the time, that’s something to consider as well.
There is also the consideration of career equity. When we start out on our journey to become screenwriters we label ourselves as screenwriters (even if this is modified by unproduced, non-union, novice, or just-starting-out). After spending time identifying ourselves as screenwriters, it can be difficult to consider taking on a new label, trying out a new thing, or doing something different with our lives. It takes persistence, self-confidence, talent, luck, and a lot of chutzpah to beat what we all know are long odds to make a living as a screenwriter. Not everyone reaches this goal, yet the qualities we try to take on to reach this goal can make it difficult to consider switching to a different goal.
And a word on quitting, because this word has such negative connotations. You might feel like if you give up on the screenwriting dream that you’re a quitter. If you just hadn’t quit you might have achieved your goal. Plus, what will our friends and family think? We’ve told everyone how we’re going to make it as a screenwriter. What will they think if we quit?
Don’t let what other people might think about your decisions become more important than how you feel about your decisions, Calling it Quits. Zoom out and really think about how you feel about the work. It’s noble to have a dream and pursue it, but if you find yourself unhappy with your life maybe reconsider your dream. Is it still your dream? Can you have another dream? Does thinking about another dream make you feel good? Dreams can come true, but they can also change.
Therapist and screenwriter Phil Stark answers reader questions about topics at the intersection of screenwriting and mental health. Got a question for Phil? Email him at starktalktherapy@gmail.com
Phil Stark is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles. He is also an author and screenwriter, with credits such as Dude, Where’s My Car?, That ‘70s Show, and South Park, along with a book about talk therapy, Dude, Where’s My Car-tharsis?. Learn more about Phil at starktalk.net.
