Breaking & Entering: Ripped from My Mailbag—Real Letters, Real Lessons

At a recent writers’ conference, I chatted with a book agent who told me he got 7000 query letters a year. I nearly fell off my chair. That’s 135 letters a week. More than two dozen every workday. It must feel like getting blasted by a firehose every time you open your inbox!

In the film industry, correspondence is part and parcel of the job, with its own rules of etiquette. Find the essential scoop on navigating industry politics here.

This got me thinking about my own in-box and my efforts to stay on top of it. My recent mailbag is definitely a mixed bag. Here's a taste of this month's good, bad, and not-so-pretty – with lessons learned.

A longstanding mentorship client has traction on two of his projects. While the second is being packaged, he’s returned to the first to see if it could be elevated with skills he honed while we worked on the second script. He was about to turn in a new draft, but hesitated. He wrote to me, questioning whether two new scenes should be added for clarity. Knowing his writing style, his story and characters, and the goals of all strong storytelling made this response easy:

I felt good about this advice, right on target for this writer based on my experiences working with him. The rewrite proved me right. I found places throughout the script where a few subtle word changes upped the subtext, making one of the scenes unnecessary. And some dialogue tweaks helped underscore what would have been in the second. He avoided unnecessary scenes and needlessly lengthening his script. Just another reminder of the impact of words!

This is precisely why you should have someone you trust reading your work – it’s nearly impossible to maintain perspective – draft after draft – on your own. That subtle foreshadowing you created can start to feel heavy-handed on the page. Can you tell if a surprising twist works when you’ve plotted every beat? It’s challenging to make cuts and trim – to say more with less – when it’s your own words on the chopping block.

In the end, we’re both very pleased with the revised draft – it’s now ready for a final polish and then goes out to his industry connections.

I’ve mentioned the resurgence in conferences and how thrilled I am to be attending. With each, there’s a bump in emails. I’m generous about giving out my business card, along with a pointer for follow-up – always remind us how we know you. I’m happy to hear from writers – especially when they get it right. But when they don’t, I’m stuck with a conundrum in responding.

I got a holiday greeting from one writer, which helped me remember our conversation and their name. Nothing personal – I’m likely to forget character names within minutes of closing a script, while a story stays with me for decades. So too in conversation, I’m apt to focus more on what we’re discussing than remembering the person’s name. This was a lovely note, expressed a desire to keep in touch, and made me feel open to hearing from the writer again. Mission accomplished.

I received an exuberant follow up from a writer who remembered my pointer which was great, but the email came across as very personal. In addition to lots of superlatives, he was eager to meet and talk again, offering to take me to coffee – or whatever I preferred. I hesitated to respond as I couldn’t tell if he was referring to business or pleasure. Honestly, this is something most women in the industry face when socializing. No one should ever have to guess. Follow-ups should be professional, polite, and to the point. Ironically, when I did respond, I never heard back!

Another follow-up began politely but grew ever lengthier. The writer wanted “a favor” but wouldn’t ask until they had done a favor for me, which quickly became a guessing game. While I heartily endorse “give before you get” in networking, I explained that I was exceptionally busy. My guilt at a slow reply prompted a bit of explanation. As a result, the exchanges became personal. I opened the door an inch, and doubtlessly with good intentions, it felt as if the writer had taken a mile. Now I had to set boundaries.  

I asked the writer to simply let me know the “big favor.” It turned out to be what many writers want: an introduction to representation. They even offered to pay me to read their material.

Is the best way to get repped to get recommended? Yes. But this is not how it works. Fans of your writing, whether they be fellow writers, executives, or producers, will offer to make an introduction if they feel that they can make a good match. Because yes, this is as delicate as the art of romantic matchmaking. When it works, it’s what I call “The win-win-win,” as everyone is thrilled – read how this plays out – but as with all blind dating, it’s a risk for everyone.

My response had to be crystal clear and blunt:

Despite my efforts, this did not put an end to the correspondence, putting me in an uncomfortable position. At best, it will make an addition to my blog, “How to Be (Not So) Great At Networking.”

Prior to my last conference, I got a message via LinkedIn from a fellow speaker. “Hi, it looks like we're going to be on a panel together at [conference] so just thought I would say hi! Looking forward to meeting you there!” Sweet and simple but utterly impactful. I was so impressed with her savvy and the professionalism that I felt a pang of regret for not having done this myself – I'd been so focused on my talk that I'd missed the opportunity. I won’t make that mistake again. What a great way to make a first impression, and open the door to following up to develop a relationship that could then be cemented in real life.

This was a great wakeup call. I realized that just like anyone else, I can always learn new ways to make a great first impression, to network, and to build relationships. The one guiding principle that never fails: be authentic. In a business that runs on flattery and gushing compliments, being genuine is a refreshing approach that people appreciate. Wouldn’t you?

If the mailbag left you with questions on how you should best move forward, feel free to ask away in the comments below. I look forward to hearing from you!