Faster Than the Speed of … Something?

In my writing daydreams, I write blazing fast, knocking out script after script with ease and joy. (I know, it sounds silly even writing it out!) The reality isn’t quite that, not at all, though a big part of me still hopes to get there. The truth is that I can and do write actual scripts quickly, but the development work takes me longer than I’d like. And this summer I’ve been getting to the bottom of that. I hope.  

Since last we spoke, I think it’s fair to say I’ve been on something of an up and down course with screenwriting. Between having covid wipe out our household for three-plus weeks in June and struggling to recover my energy (ongoing!), and both our kids being home essentially all summer with limited outside activities, my Jenna as screenwriter energy became much more Jenna as mom than anything else.  

(And truthfully, I absolutely loved hanging out with our kids this summer — we played lots of games and watched some fun shows, and once we were recovered managed to squeeze in a few adventures that were entirely delightful. Especially as our kids get older, I’m well aware of how limited our time is with these amazing beings who share their lives with us.) 

And, the screenwriting classes I’ve been taking kept me connected to Jenna as screenwriter regardless of my predominantly mom-ish summer focus. I’ve been learning new ways to heighten my scripts and wrote a new short script I’ve fallen in love with and got good feedback on from my classmates, which was pretty relieving, especially after my more recent script not faring that well in my earlier-in-the-summer contest submissions (it advanced as a quarterfinalist in one, which was fun, and I’m waiting still to hear back on at least one). 

Now that our youngest is back in school and our older one starts college locally soon, I’m refocusing more intently on screenwriting, tapping into our collective back-to-school energy. My original intent was to have finished an outline for my next (“second”) script by the end of this month, but I’ve adapted my plans to lean into the third workshop I’m taking to develop that script rather than keeping them on separate tracks. So I’m slowed down, but hopefully with good reason. 

Which brings me back to my title for this piece — faster than the speed of … something? I’ve always wished I was faster with writing than I am (though, see above, kids, life). My fantasies of blazing through writing never ever work out the way I wish they would and it occurs to me at this late date that perhaps I won’t… or will I? Is it better to make peace with my natural pace and focus? Or should I strive and push for more? 

Or is there a third option, perhaps?  

During my workshop this summer, our instructor pointed out (correctly) that I was second-guessing my writing and recommended that I delve into the why of that — to do some journaling and reflecting about the reasons underlying my own self-doubt (ironically something I often help other writers with). I’ve started this process, and I fully expect it’ll take more work, but I already know most self-doubt is usually based in a self-protective strategy — to doubt ourselves before someone else can doubt us.  

It’s a big reason why scripts end up in drawers, not marketed, not sent out, etc.  

And, it’s an underlying reason for resisting, procrastinating, and … being slower than we’d like.  

I’m also aware that for the most part I get messaging around “not yet” or “not good enough” or even “do this instead” when it comes to my writing. Even my recent lack of progression in contests can reinforce that… if I let it.  

Except, thankfully, with the short I wrote in my most recent workshop, my classmates responded positively to my work, and my instructor said I’m a stronger writer than I think I am… so I have that to counter the discouragement my inner critic likes to go on about.  

So… here’s how I’m proceeding: 

1. I’ll keep going with my personal exploration work. After realizing how much I’m (still!) second-guessing myself, it’s clear one of the most important things for me do is to keep working on getting out of my own way. I’ll use a combination of journaling, “fearstorming,” and inner critic work to get there. Most likely some therapy too. If nothing else, I’m aware how critically important taking care of my mindset is and I want to make that a priority.  

2. I’ve added on to the classes series I started earlier this year. I’ve signed up for additional workshops so I’m keeping my focus on working through the content and assignments as thoroughly as I can. I’m determined not to half-ass it and to instead get as much as I can out of the program. I’ve connected with some classmates so we can give each other feedback inside the paradigms we’re learning and help keep each other accountable and on track.  

3. I’m getting ready to process feedback on my last script. Alongside submitting my script to a handful of contests, I requested three sets of notes on it. My plan is to sit down with these notes along with a set from last year (and a glass of wine) to assess them as a whole. While I suspect this will feel somewhat overwhelming, my hope is to use reading them together as a way to put the feedback into perspective and look for commonalities and disagreements, to then decide how and if I want to use anything from the feedback. 

4. I’d like to get back to my screenwriting immersion. My morning walks have been on hold since having covid but hopefully with my energy slowly returning I’ll be able to get back out there and back to my screenwriting podcast listening.  

5. I’m revising my goals to align with my current progress. I’ve always believed goals can and should be revised with new information. My new information is the coursework I’m integrating, and the choice I’m making to slow my development pace on my screenplay to align with the course. Which means … I’ll be aiming to have a developed design for my screenplay by the middle of November when this course wraps up, which I’ll then get feedback on from trusted sources.  

Ultimately, how fast I write matters far less than how well I write. As I’m taking these workshops I’m aware that my skills are leveling up quickly. All the years I’ve spent writing up until now are finally — hopefully! — coalescing around and with the new tools I’m learning to use, and honestly, it’s pretty darned exciting. It’d be fun if that helps speed up my process, but at the same time … I’m just happy to be writing and learning and growing. Working on my mindset will help on all fronts.  

Let’s go! 

In the between-times, find me on Bluesky, here: @jennaavery.bsky.social.