Breaking & Entering: Your Question Leaves Me with Questions

“Dear Abby,” the famed newspaper advice column by Abigail Van Buren, the pen name of Pauline Phillips, was renowned for offering practical, pragmatic advice with the compassionate tone of a good friend. It began in the 1950s and gained in popularity, appearing in over 1000 newspapers. Ultimately, it was taken over by her daughter, Jeanne, and reaches millions of readers to this day. While I’m no Dear Abby, I do my best to offer helpful advice when asked – but even I can be stymied.

I once received an email asking me to “Please explain the film industry.” There is simply no way to reply to a request that broad! But some correspondence over the last few weeks has come in a close second, with the writer getting some things absolutely right and one significant fundamental wrong.

Since I’m always touting relationship building as writers’ top tool to breaking into the business, I’m sharing the interactions here. Seeing both sides of this exchange offers practical lessons in how to ask for what you want without forcing the other person to decipher what you need.

These exchanges took place over a couple of weeks. Some details have been omitted for the sake of maintaining the writer’s anonymity.

Truthfully, the exchange got off to an excellent start with the email subject line: Reaching Out + Inspired by your advice

Leanly written, with a thoughtful compliment. Well done! That was enough of motivation to get me to open the email during my morning ritual of going through correspondence.

It is genuinely satisfying that they had read my work and found it helpful. Everyone likes a specific and sincere compliment.

Honestly, I felt that I was polite and informative. They were welcome to read more, work with me, or sign up for my newsletter with giveaways, but their question was too vague to answer. My closing sentence was a very courteous “bye-bye,” but it didn’t take.  

Their specific question was still far too broad – impossible for me to respond with constructive actionable advice. And I think any industry professional would have felt no obligation to reply for a second time. But I did.

Again, I am asking for some specifics and am stuck deciphering. And not really getting much back in return. If someone is willing to engage, at the very least, don’t make it such a heavy lift for them!

That really is the crux of this. The question that does not offer specifics and leaves me with more questions.

So apparently, they are similarly querying other people in the industry and getting replies?! I’m floored that such generic requests would yield specific advice. Truly incredulous. I can imagine a paid consultant offering up some advice, but I am highly skeptical that cold queries are leading to career advice. If I hadn’t had other more complicated correspondence that needed a response, I wouldn’t have replied again.

Once again, there is my polite closer. We’re finished here.

Points for politeness, and I must admit to a sense of relief that the exchange was over. Hopefully, I saved someone else trying to do a good thing from having to go to such lengths.

So what's the takeaway from all this? Specificity. In screenwriting, we talk about it constantly – specific details, specific characters, specific moments. The same principle applies when you're reaching out to industry professionals. That’s why this exchange got off to a great start – the specific but not fawning compliment.

Before you hit send on your next query, ask yourself: have I given this person enough to actually help me? Here's a quick checklist:

Introduce yourself. A short bio isn't vanity – it's context. Career stage, training, credits, what you write. Without it, the person on the other end is trying to answer a question in the dark.

Be specific about where you are. One completed piece of writing is different from a body of work. Two years in is different from twenty. The advice hinges entirely on the answer. In queries someone asking someone to read your material, I call this “your chops.” Do you have any sales or options? Did you “win, place or show” in any major contests? Did you go to film school? Have you been paid to write in another medium? A current client of mine is a novelist, but has serious chops as a journalist which we’re working into her query seeking a manager for a film or series adaptation.

Make it easy to help you. Industry professionals are busy. The easier you make it to give you something useful, the more likely you are to get it. A heavy lift often goes unanswered – and that's not rudeness, it's math.

Be brave. Ask for what you want. You might get a “no," but that’s far better than no reply at all. 

And finally – keep writing. Whatever stage you're at, whatever question you're asking, the answer almost always includes that. Material builds careers. Relationships build careers. One great script is a start; keep going.